How to Survive a Horror Movie: Expert Tips and Common Mistakes
So, you’ve found yourself in the middle of a horror movie scenario? Congratulations—you’re about to face unspeakable terror, creepy creatures, and a high chance of making some very regrettable decisions. But fear not! With the right survival tactics, you might just make it to the closing credits. Here’s a fun guide to what NOT to do if you want to survive.
1. Don’t Split Up!
If there’s one thing every horror movie teaches us, it’s that splitting up is always a bad idea. Sure, your friend might want to check out the creepy noise coming from the basement while you investigate the dark forest, but this tactic only increases the killer’s chances of picking you off one by one. Stick together—safety in numbers!
2. Don’t Investigate Strange Noises
A loud crash in the attic or an eerie whisper coming from the next room? Ignore it. We all know that as soon as a character says, “I’ll go check it out,” they’re pretty much toast. Let the strange noises be strange and focus on getting yourself out of the situation alive.
3. Don’t Assume the Villain Is Dead
One of the most common horror movie mistakes is assuming the killer is dead after one shot or knockdown. Never, and I repeat, NEVER turn your back on the villain after they’ve been “defeated.” Always go for the double tap—just to be sure. Trust me, they always come back for one last scare.
4. Don’t Take Shortcuts Through the Woods
The woods may seem like a quick way to escape the crazed murderer, but they are often a trap. The moment you run into the dense, foggy forest, you’ve already lost. You’ll trip over every branch, get hopelessly lost, and eventually end up at the abandoned cabin where the killer resides. Stick to well-lit areas, main roads, and populated places if you can.
5. Don’t Hide in the Obvious Places
Hiding in the closet, under the bed, or behind a shower curtain never works. Villains in horror movies have a sixth sense for sniffing out these hiding spots. Try to think outside the box—hide in the last place they would look, or better yet, escape altogether!
6. Don’t Drop Your Weapon
If you’re lucky enough to grab a weapon—whether it’s a kitchen knife, a baseball bat, or a random piece of wood—hold onto it for dear life. Dropping your weapon the moment you think you’re safe is a classic mistake. Keep it close, because the danger is far from over.
7. Don’t Get Too Close to the Body
If you stumble across a dead body, don’t get too close or linger for long. Either the killer is nearby, or the body itself isn’t quite as lifeless as it seems. Horror movie rule 101: dead things don’t always stay dead.
8. Don’t Be the Last Person to Leave
Being the last person at a party, the last camper at a campground, or the final person wandering a dark hallway is a surefire way to get yourself caught in the killer’s clutches. As soon as things start to feel creepy, trust your instincts and get out early!
9. Don’t Ignore the Local Legends
The locals always know more than they’re letting on. Whether it’s an old man warning you about the haunted house on the hill or strange tales of a curse, listen to them. Local legends are rooted in truth, and ignoring them often spells disaster.
10. Don’t Make Out in the Middle of the Chaos
Look, we get it—adrenaline’s running high, and emotions are flaring, but getting romantic in a high-stakes horror scenario is an instant death sentence. Wait until you’re out of danger, or at the very least, not in the killer’s vicinity.
